My Thoughts on Time Traveling Semen, well, Jay's Thoughts Mostly

This might be the weirdest conversation I've ever had..

Jay Emmanuel: haha whoa
Jay Emmanuel: blast from the past
Chris Paul1588: haha thats what she said
Jay Emmanuel: hahaha what does that mean? like interdimensional cumshots?
Chris Paul1588: yes
Jay Emmanuel: awesome
Jay Emmanuel: like jizzing into a tear in the space-time continuum and then it somehow hits someone from 20 years ago in the face
Chris Paul1588: or yourself..like imagine that, ya jizz into the air, it completely dissapears and hits you in the eye when you were a baby explaining why you're blind in one eye now
Jay Emmanuel: hahahaha bizarre!!
Jay Emmanuel: and it explains why you never had a dad cuz he got arrested for wacking off in a hospital onto his son.. cuz they couldn't figure out where else the jizz would've come from
Chris Paul1588: yes! oh wow it all makese sense, but you never make that connection, cuz how should you, as a 20 year old, figure out that dissapearing jizz equals a tear in the space time continuum
Jay Emmanuel: haha exactly!! what a crazy world
Chris Paul1588: but then you'd wonder where the jizz went and would become so obsessed with it because there was no clean up so you constantly tried to recreate that experience
Jay Emmanuel: but just ended up being crazy and no one would believe you and then that consumed the rest of your life til you were wacking off on street corners for money
Chris Paul1588: ugh this poor guy
Jay Emmanuel: what a sad life.. all because of a misdirected cumshot
Chris Paul1588: had it been millimeters to the left none of this would have happened, he'd have a working eye, his dad's reputation would have never went down the crapper..
Jay Emmanuel: incredible.
Jay Emmanuel: hahaha wait how did this start?
Chris Paul1588: you said blast from the past, i said thats what she said
Jay Emmanuel: right right
Chris Paul1588: but a blast from the past would mean that a 20 year old would be jizzing and then he'd have to hit his futureself
Jay Emmanuel: haha ohh right i guess we constructed a different story
Chris Paul1588: we did blast from the future
Chris Paul1588: not as catchy

My First Update in a While

Jay's Ridiculous..

Chris Paul1588: haha today i was thinking about how weird it would be if when we took a piss we could change how it came out like how u can change nozzle heads on a hose, mist would be awkward
Jay Emmanuel: hahaha mist would be unpleasant for all involved
Chris Paul1588: why is more than one party involved when you're pissing?
Jay Emmanuel: haha well if you're at a urinal and people are nearby they'd probably feel the spray cuz mist usually has a pretty large radius
Chris Paul1588: touche, that wasnt where i thought u were going with that
Jay Emmanuel: haha where'd you think i was going
Chris Paul1588: u were in the middle of a conversation with someone but had to piss so they just came in the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub as u pissed and they got a face full of urine mist
Jay Emmanuel: hahha who would
Jay Emmanuel: what
Jay Emmanuel: hahaha
Chris Paul1588: its best we move on

My Spring Semester

So here's a collection of some short quotes from this semester.

Chris Paul1588: dude i cant stop mouth washing my mouth
Bill O'Brien: with what?
Chris Paul1588: mouth wash

Bill O'Brien: so i visited jess last weekend
Chris Paul1588: bone city?
Bill O'Brien: awkward

Neil Kypers: we have spiders every where, later
Chris Paul1588: haha what

Chris Paul1588: haha ive been living off of nyquil and powdered energy today
Jay Emmanuel: hahaha chris that's terrible

Chris Paul1588: if you died, id take control of your myspace and then sell its space to advertisers to make a little profit
"Neil Kypers": thats ok i would want you to
Chris Paul1588: awesome
"Neil Kypers": im glad we have our deaths figured out
"Neil Kypers": ok im going out to roller blade later bro

horris16: and he squirted me in the face with a tarter sauce gun

Jay Emmanuel: 'anything for a few bucks' as in...?
Chris Paul1588: i turn tricks on the corner jay
Chris Paul1588: is that what u want to hear
Jay Emmanuel: yes

Neil Kypers: well yeah well if it was at night in a dark ally i dont care who gives me a bjer
Chris Paul1588: again, you're not like most people

Keil Nypers: i wish i could clean the world of people i hate
Chris Paul1588: haha what would the population be then? 13?
Keil Nypers: haha lets not go there

My Lucky Night

I wish this lame excuse was a lie..

chrispaul10: i know dude n i had to miss it for the stupidest reason
SuperBilly35: you were sick?
chrispaul10: no, i had to collect my pee in a jug for the hospital for 24 hours
SuperBilly35: hahahaha
chrispaul10: so i had to stay home to pee
SuperBilly35: rofl wow
SuperBilly35: be glad you wernt pissing at daves\
SuperBilly35: john clogged the toilet
SuperBilly35: it was weird
chrispaul10: lol i would have brought my jug
SuperBilly35: rofl
SuperBilly35: how much fucking piss did you need?
chrispaul10: 24 hours worth

My Singing Voice

I guess Pat's not a big Pink Floyd fan..

chrispaul10: ive know a mouse, he doesnt have a house i dont know why i call him gerald, he's getting rather old but he's a good mouse
tool ratm 4: WTF
tool ratm 4: WTF
tool ratm 4: WTF
tool ratm 4: WTF
tool ratm 4: WTF
tool ratm 4: are u healthy?
chrispaul10: are u?
tool ratm 4: chris...do u understand what u just said
chrispaul10: perfectly

My Final Five Minutes of Fame

People confuse Chris Tucker and I all the time..

SoccerJC007: im a big fan of yours
chrispaul10: ok...do i know u?
SoccerJC007: um no
SoccerJC007: but i think your really kewl
chrispaul10: thats cool
SoccerJC007: yeah um brb
chrispaul10: k
SoccerJC007: hi
chrispaul10: hi
SoccerJC007: so this is chris paul right
chrispaul10: yeah
SoccerJC007: kewl
chrispaul10: why are u such a big fan
SoccerJC007: well i saw ur movie with jackie chan and u were juss sooooo funny
chrispaul10: thank you
SoccerJC007: do u noe like matthew lillard and all these other celebritys
chrispaul10: matthew lillard? not personally..but i do know people..
SoccerJC007: like who
SoccerJC007: hilary duff, kim basinger
chrispaul10: yeah me and hillary are friends
SoccerJC007: really!!!
SoccerJC007: that is soo totally kewl
SoccerJC007: so do u talk to fans often
chrispaul10: ehh whenever i have free time
SoccerJC007 : um so is hilarys real sn DUFFMANDAVID
chrispaul10: no
SoccerJC007: its not omg!!!
SoccerJC007: this sux
SoccerJC007: i love hilary duff and i soo thought thqat was her
SoccerJC007: she doesnt have some like fan email u could tell me or anything??
chrispaul10: if she does i dont know it..
SoccerJC007: aww
SoccerJC007: what about emma watson\
SoccerJC007: do u noe her
SoccerJC007: i mean juss noe her
chrispaul10: not really
SoccerJC007: o
SoccerJC007: do u noe juan klein
chrispaul10: not personally
SoccerJC007: uve juss heard of him?
chrispaul10: yeah
SoccerJC007: how old is he?
chrispaul10: i dunno
SoccerJC007: he looks 13
SoccerJC007: my friend is his sister
chrispaul10: oh yeah?
SoccerJC007: do u noe cece klein
chrispaul10: no
SoccerJC007: o
SoccerJC007: shes my friend she was to become famous
SoccerJC007: if she knew i was tlaking wit some1 who knew hilary duff she would go crazy she loves hilary
chrispaul10: oh
SoccerJC007: lol yea
SoccerJC007: do u have any advice for her i mean in trying to start acting
chrispaul10: no
SoccerJC007: ok
SoccerJC007: wow...ok...oh can u also tell hilary something for me
chrispaul10: no
SoccerJC007: oh

My Best Friend's Mistake

chrispaul1588: u still waxin ur body?
Snocker6: ... what
chrispaul1588: or nairing or whatever u were doing to remove all ur leg hair
Snocker6: lmao that was a special treat for the lady
Snocker6: upon her request
Snocker6: im very much so done with that
chrispaul1588: haha good
Snocker6: its liek a jungle down there
Snocker6: =\

My Friend's Free Haircut

I'm sorry Bill, but you looked hillarious..

chrispaul10: how short?
SuperBilly35: just the mullet
SuperBilly35: i look like a girl
SuperBilly35: an uber girl
SuperBilly35: like erin
SuperBilly35: only if i had erin's hair id be happy
chrispaul10: hah umm...
SuperBilly35: dude you havnt seen mine
SuperBilly35: its awful
chrispaul10: haha i cant wait
chrispaul10: ill come see it tomorrow

My One Liner Week

mikekoleary: i hang out in banana hammocks on my floor

tool ratm 4: because im scared that one day....you'll eat me
chrispaul10: i dont think you have to worry about that pat

My One Liner Week

mikekoleary: things go out of the nose and the anus
mikekoleary: not in
mikekoleary: that's what i live by

tool ratm 4: my mom just saw ur swings movie and she said..."oh that chris paul, hes crazy, but hes harmless, and thank god hes harmless or we'd be in trouble"

My Naive Notions

I would just like to let you all know that the ads on the bottom and side of this site have been removed because my google adsense account was deleted. Apparently these guys know what they're doing and caught on to our little operation. Thanks for the support anyway.

-ChrisPaul-

My One Liner Week

I found a bunch of little conversations that were each too short for a real post, so for the next week will feature two quotes a day..

chrispaul1588: ur a doll
mike k oleary: better believe it
chrispaul1588: ...

johnny ARR: now saved by the smell featuring dustin "screech" diamond, in smell o vision
johnny ARR: thats quite an experience

My Second Five Minutes of Fame

I guess I put myself in these situations..

AhLiNsIDer: Yo beitch
chrispaul10: ...
AhLiNsIDer: Y are u always online i tghought u was always busy
chrispaul10: who is this
AhLiNsIDer: jon
chrispaul10: jon who
AhLiNsIDer: Smith
AhLiNsIDer: Dude comeon u know me
chrispaul10: no i dont
AhLiNsIDer: u from ca right?
chrispaul10: nope
AhLiNsIDer: Dang, well i know a Chris Paul and my friend gave me this s/n.
AhLiNsIDer: damn
chrispaul10: well its not me
AhLiNsIDer: are you the actor
chrispaul10: what actor
AhLiNsIDer: Ok, on this celebrity screename website there was a post and it had yor s.n on it so i just figured you were famous or something
chrispaul10: i never said i wasnt famous...
AhLiNsIDer: its cool. i was just wondering. what do ya do
chrispaul10: direct
AhLiNsIDer: direct?
chrispaul10: movies
AhLiNsIDer: wow-really. i am going to college for that
chrispaul10: thats cool
AhLiNsIDer: what have you dirrected?
chrispaul10: ohh a bunch of things, how old are you?
AhLiNsIDer: 19
AhLiNsIDer: freshman in college
chrispaul10: what college?
AhLiNsIDer: University of Toledo.. Its not the best, but it will do.
AhLiNsIDer: Toledo, OH
AhLiNsIDer: Home of the Rockets
chrispaul10: hmm, i think i was a guest speaker there a few years ago, who's your film professor?
AhLiNsIDer: Wow really.. We have a new one, Bob Keialer
AhLiNsIDer: what is your age
chrispaul10: 34
chrispaul10: next time you're in class ask him about me, see if anyone remembers

AhLiNsIDer: hi...i asked my lab instructor and he didnt know who u were
chrispaul10: was it embarassing?
AhLiNsIDer: yeah
AhLiNsIDer: I know you're just some fake asshole now
chrispaul10: :-D
AhLiNsIDer: Haha, its hillarious!

My Cat Food

I don't know, Bill, I don't know..

SuperBilly35: so my little brother is in the kitchen watching cartoon network
SuperBilly35: and there is two little boys trying on bras
SuperBilly35: and they think it's "battle armor"
SuperBilly35: this explains a lot
chrispaul10: ...

My Next Four Years

Sorry Reen* but TU has no religious affiliation..

johnny ARR: hows the matzah and latkes at temple
chrispaul1588: they wouldnt let me in cuz i didnt cover my head
johnny ARR: oh you
johnny ARR: do you have a yamaka yet
chrispaul1588: yeah they gave them out with a big TU on the top
johnny ARR: lmfao

My Friends Never Change

BU only accepts the nation's best and brightest..

Devils1867: yo, tub girl comes up in convo in my room like every other night
chrispaul1588: haha same here but with meat spin
Devils1867: hahaha
Devils1867: charlie, the guy who lives next to me, told us that tubgirl gave him his first erection
Devils1867: haha, he was completely kidding but it was hilarious
chrispaul1588: hahahah, this kid actually told us yesterday that his dad caught him looking at that
Devils1867: hahaha holy shit

My Cannibalism

You are what you eat..

pantherfive88: guess what
chrispaul10: what
pantherfive88: my mom made apple crisp for me!
chrispaul10: cool
pantherfive88: and when i said crisp
pantherfive88: it reminded me of you
chrispaul10: haha
pantherfive88: do u think of me when u eat eggs
chrispaul10: i dont eat eggs
pantherfive88: oh
pantherfive88: me either
chrispaul10: it would be like u were eating urself
pantherfive88: hahaha yeah sorta
chrispaul10: but not really
pantherfive88: yeah not really
pantherfive88: bc im not an egg
chrispaul10: ur an eg
pantherfive88: yes but not an egg
chrispaul10: true

My Aristocrat

Reenstra makes good first impressions..

johnny ARR: i was watching football the other day, and the commentator said "here's the kicker" and i was like GRANDMAS DEAD and my roomate looked at me like wtf
chrispaul1588: hahah good
johnny ARR: so i stabbed him in the heart
johnny ARR: err
chrispaul1588: so i think i just saw bob saget..
johnny ARR: lmfao
johnny ARR: where
chrispaul1588: walking around temple
johnny ARR: hahah
chrispaul1588: i walked right past him staring and he had that smirk on his face like 'yeah im the sag man'
johnny ARR: lmfao
johnny ARR: you should have started to hump the shit out of his leg
chrispaul1588: ...
johnny ARR: yea
johnny ARR: that would be sick

My First Five Minutes of Fame

Apparently I'm famous..

Tylerdixon32: hey who is this?
chrispaul10: chris who is this
Tylerdixon32: tyler
chrispaul10: i dont know u
Tylerdixon32: i know someone said this was a celebrtites sn
Tylerdixon32: and they have a crush on u or something
Tylerdixon32: lol
chrispaul10: ohh man
Tylerdixon32: im sorry
chrispaul10: i am a celebrity
Tylerdixon32: is u dont wanna talk to me i understand
Tylerdixon32: *if
chrispaul10: idc
Tylerdixon32: ok kewl
Tylerdixon32: im sorry but i have never heard of u what do u do?
chrispaul10: direct
Tylerdixon32: is that a tv show?
chrispaul10: no im a director
Tylerdixon32: o lol im 14 so i dont really know directors
chrispaul10: oh ok
Tylerdixon32: what have u directed
chrispaul10: nothing u would have heard of
Tylerdixon32: ok
chrispaul10: yeah
Tylerdixon32: do u know paris hilton
Tylerdixon32: like in person (just wondering)
chrispaul10: yeah ive talked to her
Tylerdixon32: thats hella sick
chrispaul10: yeah
chrispaul10: shes pretty cool
Tylerdixon32: yeah my friends sister met her and said that she was nice
Tylerdixon32: u live in hollywood?
chrispaul10: nope nj
Tylerdixon32: o kewl
Tylerdixon32: im from cali
Tylerdixon32: yeah i just went to the east coast for the first time at the beggining of this summer
chrispaul10: cool
Tylerdixon32: it is 2 oclock for u huh
chrispaul10: yeah
chrispaul10: i dotn sleep
Tylerdixon32: o
Tylerdixon32: lol
chrispaul10: yeah
Tylerdixon32: are you like hella rich?
chrispaul10: yes
Tylerdixon32: oic

Tylerdixon32: u back
Tylerdixon32: ur not famous r u?
chrispaul10: haha
Tylerdixon32: lol
Tylerdixon32: im so dumb
chrispaul10: yes you are

My First Day

We're straight as tooth picks, I swear it..

SuperBilly35: thanks for my dad's belt
SuperBilly35: but you still have one of mine
chrispaul1588: yes, and i need that sheet back too
SuperBilly35: right

Wedding singer Neil Kypers does Nat king Cole..

chrispaul1588: haha just take the mic n start singing
SaintKypers: hahaha exactly
SaintKypers: and everyone will cheer out of courtesy
chrispaul1588: heres how i see it goin on in my head...ull go up to the front and quiet everyone and start singing, no one will know who u are but will silently acknowledge that it sounds good, n once the song is over ull look over to me standing in the corner and ill nod my head and raise my glass of champagne to you
SaintKypers: hahaha that sounds awesome haha i love how u planned that out
chrispaul1588: lol i close my eyes and see it now
SaintKypers: haha i am seeing it too

Brudner thinks about me at night..

brudner1: i had a dream you were in that tops the one where you poop in basement
chrispaul1588: ...
brudner1: you were talking to some girl on your phone
brudner1: someone you didnt know too well
brudner1: and out of nowhere, you turn to me and say 'she wants a pube shot'
brudner1: and you stuck your phone down your pants
brudner1: i heard the phone's recorded fake shutter sound go off
chrispaul1588: lol why is it always me

Reenstra tries to be politically correct..

johnny ARR: know what i realized
johnny ARR: its colored people really
chrispaul1588: i look good naked?
johnny ARR: but black
johnny ARR: is the absence of all color, thinking artistically
johnny ARR: so black people aren't colored
chrispaul1588: haha, and white people are?
johnny ARR: the presence of all colors
johnny ARR: technically thats what black and white colors are
chrispaul1588: haha very true